40% liquor baptized me

the time that johnnie walker started speaking

walker fluttered from his lips & baptized me

that was my escapade with religion

because alcoholism is hereditary

medically denoted in fall 2015.

my baptism is the beginning of my life

& johnnie walker baptized me

my father can’t kill us because respectable brown man

because i’m his name

because service worker

because why kill me when he can

make me

kill myself?

when i can just become johnnie too or even better

jack daniels

or captain morgan

or jim beam

& baptize my children too, free of charge

just the liquor tax

& my children’s children, & their children

my family reunion will be in teetering legs

& holes in walls

& broken shot glasses, wait, broken bowls, wait, broken mugs

because johnnie walker will drink himself from the molding pavement

if it means he nourishes himself that night


i will never have children, because i don’t want to be their crucifier.


my mother tells me that her astrologist told her

she will die at 60.

“only 10 more years of this” she says

my heart flutters at the image of amma


dancing with the tamil ammas with their honeyed tones

in the afterlife. is the afterlife where marinated & chewed bones are buried & finally become free